World Press Freedom Day! What does freedom of the press mean to you?

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Describe the happiest day of your life.

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I’ve been made a grandmother four times. I have to say that welcoming a newborn into the world is an especially happy day. Each time was unique because every baby looked differently, moved differently and came with different circumstances that can only fit their birth date. For example, we bought our first cellphone two hours before the arrival of our first grand baby. By the way, it was a boy. I am smiling while writing this because he was the prettiest baby boy I had seen in my whole life. The nurse  yelled, “he’s got big feet!” Then, she laughed. Her humorous response humbled me. For the first baby’s arrival we bought our first cellphone. We needed a way for our son to find us anywhere at any time. The cellphone did the trick. He phoned us in plenty of time for us to get back to the hospital. We wanted not to miss a moment.

Skipping to the third grand baby she came on a very special day. I rocked her while looking at President Obama’s inauguration. While the mother slept, my husband, my son’s mother-in-law and my son commented about what the First Lady was wearing, what the first children were doing in the stands and how President Obama’s words were historical. He was the first Black President. It was a historical day for the Norman family too. It was our first grand baby girl. What a moment! After holding all those boys, I now could hold a baby girl. I can still see her grandfather, my husband holding her in his arms. He couldn’t hide his joy. We passed her around. Once she was in our arms it was very hard to let her go. My son took time to go to a quick class and learn how to fold her baby blanket snugly.

It’s amazing how those long ago moments still live in my heart and make me smile. Even now it’s hard to stop smiling. Too fast the baby days fly away. The babies sprout like Jack’s Beanstalk, and I can only pull the days back by remembering them. Perhaps, I will live to see each one graduate from high school and college. Boy, I will smile and laugh uncontrollably. Life has been good, and Life is still  good.

What was the best thing you ever saw on a trip?

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That’s a hard question. I haven’t seen many places. Still, to pick a special one is difficult. I enjoyed The Golden Arch in Missouri. Our family went there after coming back from Lake of the Ozarks. I like the way you’re mechanically driven to the top of the arch. If a person were claustrophobic, it could be frightening. Then, you’re at the top of the Arch. This is where all my children and their father were up against the windows looking down. I stood in the middle of the floor because of my fear of heights. I could still see out the windows. It didn’t help knowing that the wind moves the Arch back and forth. I was glad to get out of the mechanical elevator. At the same time, I enjoyed the new experience.

Once we came down, we visited the Go West! museum. It is underneath the arch. It is really fascinating. I don’t remember all the exhibits. I do remember a teepee, one of those coaches which traveled with the mail and travelers. It’s really a big museum. It takes a while to walk through and appreciate all the items.

 

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When the police came, they didn’t take me very seriously. As a matter of fact, the detective laughed. When I said burglary, they thought of hundreds of dollars in my till. They thought of new refrigerator in the kitchen. They thought of a kicked in window with all of accessories removed along with the three antique quilts. Three red bolts of fabric? This seemed totally silly and childish to them. They left quickly with a laugh on their lips.

It wasn’t silly to me. Someone had stolen the fabric. It wasn’t about the worth of what had been stolen. It was the principle of the whole situation. After I locked the shop to go home, I went straight home. I tried to push the door open. I peeked around the door and our preacher was lying on my foyer floor with cut out scraps of red fabric all over him. I couldn’t see his face. Three of the fabrics covered his whole face. I didn’t have a good feeling. He wasn’t moving. I pushed the door a bit further. Still, his foot and nothing else moved. Finally, I gave the door one good push. I walked in. Then, I bent down beside him. He was definitely dead in my house with my cut up fabric around him. A pair of new scissors from my store were beside him. Taped to the scissors was a post it note. “Don’t you know red means danger. Stay away!”

Well, that seemed

Safety and Security

Today I’m trying to meditate on safety and security. I have learned that safety and security have roots within me.  All I have to do is tap into it. It seems I’ve always been afraid. I have always been afraid to speak in front of a crowd.  As I got older, I was afraid to talk in front of a small group of people. My words would always come out wrong. My lips would tremble, or I would go completely blank. I would find myself unable to remember what I wanted to say. I remember not getting the grade I wanted on a paper. The paper would have been about Absalom, Absalom by Faulkner. I just couldn’t bring myself to stand in front of the class and talk about the book. Plus, I didn’t really understand the book.

Fear is a horrible feeling. I’m glad to know that safety and security are with me all the time. I can’t remember the first time I faced fear and let it rule me. Maybe something horrible happened. I guess it’s best not to remember. I do wonder what could have been so awful that it left me crippled with fear for the rest of my life.

I had a relative who was fearful too. Lightening and thunder just tore her apart. We would have to get under the cover until the storm passed. She would turn off the lights. Pull the plugs out from the wall. Then, play dead until the storm was gone. I look back at both our experiences and realize fear is no laughing matter to the person going through it. If you’re fear is different from another person’s fear, it’s hard to understand how a dog,  a closed closet or a mountain can turn their stomachs into rolling waves of fear. The fear controls them over and over.

It’s sad schools don’t teach children how to overcome their fears. It seems we go through all those years with the fears unchallenged. They gain a good foothold in our lives. By the time we’re adult or in college, the fear has crippled our ability to live productively. My mother tried to help me.  Whenever I was afraid, she taught me to repeat  Psalm 23.She said, “just repeat it to yourself and the fear will go away.”

When I had three children, I had each one by the Lamaze method. This is natural childbirth. It teaches that  the mother-to-be is in control of the pain and not the pain in control of her. The way to do it is to have a focal point, etc.  I believe meditation will help.

 

Day 1 Chopra/Oprah Meditation/safety and security

Just hearing the words “I  am safe and secure” make me feel better. I use to ask my husband every so often, “am I safe?” He would say, “yes.” Now I know my safety and security are within myself. No one else can make me feel secure unless I feel safe within myself. I believe God is full of security. He willingly gives it to me. I must choose to believe and take that security from His hands.

My life has been a turbulent one. I must remember that turbulence no longer has power over me. It’s gone. For a long time I carried it with me: the screams, the blood, etc. I would have nightmares all through my earlier years before marriage. It wasn’t until after marriage that the nightmares disappeared.

It is my wish not to fall apart when turbulence comes again in my life. I fear the death of family. I must realize death comes to all of us. It is a natural part of living. Like we are born, we die. I must learn to find rest in the midst of trouble: sickness, car wrecks, etc. This is hard for me.

I know through meditation there is room for me to become different, stronger not weaker. I know there are people who have experienced more trials and harder trials than me. Yet, they have looked the pain in the face and in some way remained standing on their feet. I believe they have great faith, something or someone great inside who sustains them.

I remember Coretta Scott King and Jacqueline Kennedy standing strong when they could have very well crumbled to their knees. They didn’t. Was it this centering thought that sustained them? What made them keep walking day after day? I will try to remember the centering thought for today throughout today. “My security and peace are within.”

 

Six Word Saturday

Martha L Shaw - Poet, Writer, Author, Artist

Saturday, Jesus, and a good book!

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I Can Choose

Usually, it takes me quite a while to wake up. After I rise from bed and do the necessaries, I’m still asleep. Then, something or someone will make me feel as sparkly as a diamond. Now, I’m fully awake. The world becomes my doll house. There are toys all around me. Everything is beautiful: the words in a book, the photo of a waterfall in Africa or the beauty of my cat’s white and black fur.  I’m freed from the prison of sleep.

Sleep does seem like a prison. I can’t hear a song while I’m asleep. I can’t read a poem while I’m asleep. I can’t eat a delicious chocolate chip cookie while I’m asleep. I’m locked in my bed. The covers hold me back from movement like the bars of a prison hold a prisoner in his dungeon. I have no power to make decisions. My dreams choose me. I want to dream about a field of red poppies. I receive a dream about a car crash with me at the wheel. The dream makes me scream, clutch my pillow and sweat because it has taken me back to an unwanted past, to a time when my whole family died in a car wreck murdered by a drunk driver.

So, why would I want to die? Death is sleep. Sleep is death. I hear a whisper. ” Don’t be afraid. Death is just like going to sleep. You can’t feel a thing.” That’s exactly what I don’t want. I don’t want to not feel, to become totally numb. Besides, I do feel in sleep. I feel a baby’s hand reach for my hand. I am the dream baby’s mother. I can’t save the baby even though it looks right into my eyes asking me to do something, anything. No, death is a challenge for me to accept. Where will it take me that I don’t want to go? Will there be no escape? The thought makes me tremble. Do I have to die before reaching Heaven? So much to ask of me. Me, who haven’t asked for much in this life. Does He want more from me before giving me pleasures forevermore? Then, I must live now. I must open my eyes wide. I must become a child again and grab the toy that I want. I must become selfish to get what I don’t deserve, but what I want so much.

When I’m fully awake, I smile. My premature death is gone. It’s a practice session I take each night. My life begins. The one I want. The one where every choice is mine.  I can choose to open the curtains and look out at the fog. I can choose to drink coffee or tea. I can choose to listen to the song of a robin. I can choose to make a new friend. I can choose to pray to my God now or later. I have all these freedoms in my hand when my eyes awake to a new day. Please, don’t let the stars and moon return to quickly. Make the day longer. I will force myself to stay awake and greet each hour and each minute.